Cuckolding, pt. IV

cuckold-part4

by Randall S. Frederick

The last part of this series on cuckolding has to do with wives and bulls. It should be obvious, the wives were reluctant to go on record. Bulls were the especially forthcoming, happy to share about their “conquests” and sexual abilities but the women, each and all, indicated the need for total anonymity. As the conversations went on, I began to notice new details emerging. The wives were more open about how the dynamic of cuckolding affected their marriage and secondary relationships (including friends and family) while the Bulls – initially quite pleased to talk about the arrangement – began to share about how empty the experience made them feel.

Identifying details, or the request for anonymity have ultimately been given to all of the interview subjects. Some asked for it up front, others seemed reluctant the more details they provided, while others suggested things that were simply beyond what I could tolerate; pseudonyms, for example, that eroded believability. As noted in the last entries (see here part one, part two, and part three), to some extent these interviews made me incredulous not because they go against traditional societal norms, but because little details felt “off” somehow, as though the truth were being obscured or reconstructed at times. Initially, I thought that was because I was being “conned” somehow. Maybe that was, and is, the case except that subsequent interviews were similar enough to begin giving those initial stories more credence. Given the general curiosity surround the cuckolding fetish, there is still social stigma surrounding it (even, in some sense, empowering and perpetuating it).

Crystal says that the idea began with her. She had been flirting with a coworker and it had escalated into “you know, pictures and stuff,” then fantasizing about the coworker and eventually cheating on her husband. Sex with her husband, Ryan, “wasn’t great. We were probably having sex maybe once a week and I just wasn’t there. I didn’t want to have sex with Ryan at all at that time. He was working all the time, I thought, and it was just this chore. Oh, it’s Friday? Well, I guess I’ve got somewhere to be. So at first I would say ‘let’s try another night’ and then it was like a month, two, three months, four, and I would give him a handjob or a blowjob or whatever. I’m not even sure what I said at the time. I think I told him, ‘I’m okay with you using porn’ or whatever. Like, leave me alone. And when he would confront me, I would just say that’s how women are. They go through dry spells where they’re just not feeling it. Or I would say, ‘I don’t feel sexy’ and cry whenever I wanted him to still be nice.” During the period she is referring to, when she was recognizing how unsatisfactory her sex life was, Crystal says began flirting with a coworker named David and convinced her husband to “spice things up and buy me a few sex toys,” along with a gym membership “because I knew I was going to have sex with [David]. It was just a matter of time, and I wanted to look good for him.” She pauses, before laughing, “Ohhh, I feel so awful now! It makes me sound so awful!”

Crystal says her guilt was diminished when she would talk to her friends or her sister. “Everyone was like, ‘You’re fine. Make him work for it.’ Especially after I started going to the gym. That’s when, I think, everyone started hinting that it would be okay to flirt. Encouraging me. You know, really encouraging me and whatever. Like, if I looked good, then men were going to be men. So what? It was fine. It was fine to enjoy it because I deserved it.”

Crystal and Ryan grew up in Pennsylvania, where “that’s just the culture. You have so many Russian and Ukrainians there that the culture is everywhere and women are treated like goddesses even when they’re bitches. Very materialistic, so especially when they’re bitches. A good wife has sex, gives him a few kids, and then ignores him until she wants something.”

Crystal continues, “I saw my mother do that to my father. She just crushed his balls, you know? And the whole time she would say, ‘I want this, I want this, I want this,’ and he’d give it to her. I love my dad, but I don’t respect him because of that. He should have stood up to her or maybe even smacked her. Put her back in line. Is that awful? That’s how I feel. Men shouldn’t have women tell them what to do.” Overall, Crystal thought that it was because of the way that gender roles were modeled to her that she felt sexually unfulfilled with Ryan, who she says is very affectionate and giving. Where Crystal is more expressive, Ryan is more thoughtful. He is slower to speak, more careful with his words. He agrees that Pennsylvania “can be like that” but contextualizes it.

“After World War I and II,” Ryan says, “Eastern Europeans became more matriarchal. Just how it was. And so women knew they could do whatever they wanted and men would have to go along with it.” He also affirms the high incidence of domestic violence to “control” women or, as Crystal offered, “put them back in line.” It was part of the reason they left Pennsylvania – to get away from a culture that they say disgusted them. The couple did not grow up together, but had a similar upbringing. They met in college, but fell out of touch for a while until they reconnected through Facebook and eventually married. They moved to Pittsburg and tried to settle down but, Crystal says, “the whole time – well not the whole time, but a lot of the time – I was flirting with David [the coworker] and I just thought, ‘[Ryan] is so stupid. He is so fucking stupid. How does he not see this? Catch me? Suspect?’” It was like her childhood played out all over again – a bitchy wife who “crushes” the balls of her husband she no longer respects to get what she wants.” One night, she says, she suggested they pretend to be other people.

“That went on for a while,” Ryan offers. He didn’t put it together right away, but by the end of the year he strongly suspected. “The only time we actually had sex was if she pretended I was someone else.” He stops here, overcome with emotion before continuing. “By the end of the year, I didn’t want to have sex anymore with her. I knew that wasn’t normal – her wanting me to be someone else. It didn’t feel like a fantasy, it felt like the only time she would indicate that she loved me was when I wasn’t me.” He suggested they go to couples counseling, but Crystal said the idea turned her off to him even more. A holiday party set it all in motion. “I saw how she was when I showed up at an office party. Everyone she worked with. It was like everyone pitied me, like I wasn’t supposed to be there. I felt – and I think I said this at the time – I felt like I was an intruder somehow. They were nice, but it was clear they were surprised I would even be there.” Ryan jumps ahead to the moment he realized Crystal and David were openly flirting with one another at the party. “And so she, I think, touched his arm or something and he looked at me and told her to get a plate for both of them. But he was looking at me when he said it.” He says that’s when it all clicked for him, watching another man so familiar with his wife. “I just felt so stupid. I wasn’t angry. I just felt stupid. Everyone knew. I remember looking around and it was like I saw everything. All the looks and glances, the way everyone was so uncomfortable with me. Everyone she worked with knew, but I was the stupid husband coming in and intruding on their party.”

Crystal says she admitted everything that night and broke it off with David. She told her husband everything, including the fact that she and David had been having sex. The couple talked about divorce, but neither one of them wanted to do that. Instead, Crystal quit her job and went to live with her parents. They separated and talked every night, trying to go on with the new reality they found themselves in, having to redefine what kind of marriage they envisioned. “I didn’t want a divorce. It’s so hard to explain, but I didn’t want to, like, shrink what we had. I didn’t want it smaller, or to get a divorce and end it. I wanted to expand it. I wanted him to understand that I didn’t want to feel trapped. And having a traditional marriage wasn’t for me, for us. I felt trapped, like it was choking me to live that way and see where we were headed – one of those couples who just endure one another.”

Ryan initially disagrees with this version, saying that he had “always” wanted to become “one of those stable couples you see at the park [or] somewhere.” At another point in our conversation, he attributes this to the changes in their sex life. Unfulfilled, he says he was willing to settle for companionship and “enduring one another” rather than an active and engaged life together. It was this, perhaps, that caused him to feel “more in love after she admitted everything. It was almost a relief to hear her say she didn’t want to get divorced. I don’t want to excuse it, what she did. But it really felt like a relief just to hear her say she wanted to stay together and that, whatever was missing, she had found it somewhere else. You have to understand, my self-esteem was through the floor. Through the floor, just… so, so low. You could have told me just about anything then, and I would have said, ‘Okay.’”

Sadness and disappointment weren’t the only things Ryan felt at the time. “I was aroused,” he says. “Insanely aroused.” He repeats himself, emphatically. “Insanely aroused. I jerked off two or three times a day thinking about it.” Sometimes he would cry, afraid of his thoughts and afraid to confess his fantasies to Crystal, afraid that admitting what he was fantasizing about would potentially undo or reverse the emotional connection that was developing afresh between them. “I bit the bullet one day, I don’t know why but I did, and I suggested she just do it. Have sex with David, go back, call him, do whatever, and I would just accept that this was what it was now.”

Crystal didn’t exactly run with her new Hall Pass. Like Ryan, she says it was confessing everything to her husband and the new degree of honesty between them that made her fall more deeply in love with him. “It’s insane, but it’s true,” she insists. “I was just as afraid as he was of going back to what we were and I didn’t want someone else. I wanted him.” Just not sexually, she says. “It was like we had changed places or something. I wanted to be with him, and I was willing to give up sex and [Ryan] wanted me to have sex even if it meant we weren’t together anymore.” She finally agreed to call David and ask him to join them for New Year’s Eve a year after the holiday party which almost destroyed their marriage – but with one agreement. She wanted Ryan to make the call with her, to hear everything, “no more secrets,” and tell her to stop if he changed his mind. He didn’t, and so they tremulously resumed their marriage by including another man.

David, for his part, says he was apprehensive about the New Year’s request. “You hear about husbands flipping out and staging this kind of thing all the time. 60 Minutes kind of shit.” he says. But he agreed and, through several conversations over the next few weeks, became Crystal’s primary sexual partner. Many men, he says, would take to this new arrangement in stride and he did initially. “Just sex sounded awesome!” he says. “But it felt like we weren’t really a couple. We just… had sex. Which is nice, but it wasn’t really what I thought I wanted.” Like Crystal and Ryan, David was raised to believe in a traditional dynamic, “one man, one woman. Or two women. Or men. This thing where I’m just there for sex? It gets old pretty quick.” 

Marcus, a bull in another triad, says he experienced the same thing. Having sex with another man’s wife was very “empowering” at first until it became apparent to him that he wanted something else.

It’s great, feeling like this couple wants you to be responsible for their sex life but it swings one of two ways. You either become ‘the other man’ and it’s not about cuckolding, it’s about an open marriage, an open relationship; or – if it stays about the cuck thing – you become the guy they call when they want to fuck. When you’re done? ‘G’bye. See you next time we call.’ It’s kind of messed up to use someone. I think there are ways to do it better, but it’s not like you can really do that. The whole thing, the fetish, is built on shame. She’s supposed to feel ashamed of not being a good wife, he’s supposed to feel ashamed of not being good in bed, and the only person who isn’t supposed to feel shame? He feels shame too. Messed up.

Later, Marcus adds, “I’m not like an expert, not one of those – is it a psychologist? Therapist? I’m not one of them. So hear what I’m saying: I think you’ve got to be a little messed up to want to cuckold someone. I mean, I get it. You want to have sex. Get a little crazy. Screw around. That’s great, you do that, okay? But you’ve got to [be] really messed up to do something like that, to set up those kind of blocks in your head to be okay with using people and being used.”

While it’s debatable whether those who engage in the fetish are “messed up,” there is some truth to Marcus’ claim that shame plays an important role in the pleasure one derives from it. In fact, there are no real boundaries, limits, or other defining qualities to the cuckold fetish except that when one of the partners has sex with someone else, at least one person feels a degree of shame. Non-monogamy goes by many names  – cheating, adultery, and unfaithfulness being negative examples – but as non-traditional relationships become more mainstream, American culture is becoming aware of other relational structures beyond the married/cheating dichotomy. Ethical non-monogamy or polyamory, for example, are two labels for an arrangement where all relational (though not necessarily sexual) partners are aware of loose bonds between one another. Shame is, in large part, the element that sets cuckoldry apart. It is an experience where pleasure is heightened because one of the partners feels shame. A rape fantasy, for example, could be classified as a theme of cuckolding just as well as a threesome or orgy so long as a “primary partner” feels shame or is degraded in some way. Anneli Rufus, writing for The Daily Beast, puts forward that “Cuckolded men (aka “cucks”) only observe their wives’ infidelities, they don’t participate.” Given the depiction of cuckoldry in the plays of Shakespeare and writings of Chaucer, this is generally the case. “And that’s why they find it a turn-on: They’re left out, looking on as the woman they love climaxes with a better man than them. It’s a form of psychological sadomasochism. Some people get turned on by whips, chains, and physical pain. Cucks get aroused by mental anguish.”

That doesn’t mean the fetish is inherently about the sexual liberation of wives who enjoy better lovers while their husbands watch and cry. “In Somerset England,” says Dr. David J. Ley, “A somewhat common practice was for husbands to encourage their wives to seduce another man, who they would then sue or blackmail, under laws that prohibit men from having sex with married women. In another story, an English Lord was appointed Lord of the Bedchamber to George IV, and stood by as his King had sex with the Lord’s wife, Lady Elizabeth Melbourne.”

In an interview for Vice, an unnamed employee at a French “sex sauna” says she feels the social restrictions surrounding sex are entirely arbitrary. “I think our generation voluntarily creates many sexual barriers—especially women. I know some women who I think would feel a lot better off if they visited the sauna once or twice. Nothing weird would have to happen: These days, when I go to the sauna after work, the clients are very respectful and don’t hit on me. Of course, they don’t mind watching me when I take a shower but that’s about it.” It is the liberation of sex from social norms, the expanding of horizons, that makes for a more polite and civil populace. She claims to have seen every sex act imaginable, from S&M parties to Caribbean-themed zouk parties. Amidst all this bacchanalia, there is one activity more popular than any other. “What happens most in our sauna is candaulism, where a woman fucks other men, while her husband is watching.” Candaulism is similar to cuckolding, except the husband is the initiator and neither party is ashamed of what they are doing. The term is derived from the story of Candaules, King of ancient Lydia, who conceived a plot to show his unaware naked wife to his servant Gyges. After discovering Gyges while he was watching her naked, Candaules’ wife ordered him to choose between killing himself or killing her husband in order to repair the vicious mischief. The term was first defined by Richard von Krafft-Ebing in his book: Psychopathia sexualis. Eine klinisch-forensische Studie (Stuttgart: Enke 1886). Practices like these, together with swinging, polyamory, and other forms of non-monogamy are exceptionally popular in Europe, as evidenced by saunas and retreats for the sole purpose of sexual liaisons. “I’ve witnessed so many incredible and sometimes sinister scenes. I’ve seen a lady well into her sixties being gang-banged while next to her a woman forty years younger was sensually dancing, naked, with the sole purpose to get the onlooking guys excited. All of that was happening while the husband of the elderly lady checked with a flashlight if the guys who were having sex with his wife were wearing a condom.”

Wicked Julia,” an anonymous sex worker who briefly chronicled her experiences on a personal blog writes that, “The cuckoldry fantasies I hear about seem to involve the woman being degraded is some way; forced to have sex with a man (or men) they do not choose, not for their pleasure but, for their husband’s.” For Julia, the argument that cuckoldry is a Feminist act or liberates a woman to seek her own enjoyment is entirely misguided. “This is not a ‘new intellectual fetish’, it is a very old one.  This is a man’s fantasy about controlling the sexuality of the woman in his life for his own gratification.” Men who claim they participate in cuckolding for their wives, according to Julia, are lying. A cuckold who says they “just want their wives or girlfriends to be sexually fulfilled” does not understand what sexual liberation truly means if the sexual partner is someone the husband chooses. Bluntly, “That doesn’t sound like cuckolding to me, that sounds like pimping.” Julia continues,

I deal with cuckolding fantasies constantly while I am working.  They are very popular with many callers from all walks of life.  What strikes me as strange about these fantasies is that they are not about a woman’s pleasure, though many callers talk about not being about to ‘please’ their wives because of their physical inadequacies at the beginning of the call.  It is typically one of three reasons; impotency is rare, performance is more common, small cock size is the top of the list.  “I can’t please my wife because my cock is too small,” is usually what I hear.  These men seem to think that all women are size queens and, if they are less than 8 inches, they have no hope in hell of getting a woman off.  The idea that technique might have something to do with their poor performance never crosses their mind.

Coming back to Crystal, she and Ryan readily offered that it was after the infidelity came out that things got better. They talked and bonded in a way they hadn’t since before their marriage, and Crystal says she thinks her coworkers shunned Ryan that night at the party because she was happy, “like a girl in love.” She notes that there are hints of this in American culture – that communities will help, even encourage infidelity as long as it is presented as a positive condition. “I don’t think people are as puritanical or moral as they say they are,” Crystal says. “I just don’t. I think people are okay with bad stuff, but want it and are for it just as long as they benefit from it or if the people are young and beautiful.”

Megan, who is in a non-monogamous ‘throuple’ with her boyfriend Patrick, manages a sex shop in Louisiana. She say the lines of morality are “more blurry” than most of us would want to admit and sees this all the time with her customers. “If younger customers come in, like college kids, I can sell them anything. Anything. They’re open to anything and their friends are like, ‘Ooh, buy this! Buy this! Buy this other thing!’ but the older they get, the more they – it’s not like they’re judging stuff based on the toy or the item itself. It’s the idea of the toy. If two women come in, they’ll talk but it’s it’s like ‘You shouldn’t get this because that sex act is wrong. BDSM is wrong. Anal is wrong.’ And I’m like, there is so much fun to be had! Why are you making everything sound so bad! ‘Anal will hurt.’ Not if you’re doing it right!” The same principle, she says, exists with cuckolding. It will only hurt if you’re not doing it right. “I mean, I think that what I have is like cuckolding but it’s not about shame. It’s about denial and voyeurism more than anything else. Sometimes, shame. But that’s all of sex, right? That’s what makes sex fun. Even if you’re married, you go home for a quickie when you’re not supposed to. You give him a blowjob in a [movie] theater because you’re not supposed to; you might get caught and the thrill of being found out and someone saying you’re nasty, of ‘shaming’ you” she emphasizes with air quotes, “Is what makes it so much more fun. For me, for what I have with Patrick and [other lover who did not want to be named], you could say we ‘cuckold’ each other when it’s just two of us and the other one watches and rubs one out.”

 

Considering that so much of the cuckolding fetish is psychological, what is “right” can be difficult to determine and rather subjective. Which is why there is so much talk about privilege when it comes to the cuckolding fetish. For many, the traditional dyad of one partner and one partner equalling a “couple” is a kind of privilege supported by most of society. Individuals who are in a traditional relationship are allowed to turn down certain job opportunities with no explanation beyond “my spouse,” and many individuals find social mobility more available because of their spouse. Singles do not have these same privileges or opportunities for advancement. In contrast, they are seen as “incomplete” or lacking in some way. Using this math, if traditional couples experience privilege because of their combined resources, it stands to reason that more members in the relationship will help diminish costs while simultaneously contributing to shared benefits. At base, a single person has a single income with living costs that are not shared. A couple shares those costs while experiencing the benefits of shared living costs. The more members in the coupleship, the more costs go down and benefits increase exponentially. Cuckolding can be seen, in some sense, as a recognition and enjoyment of non-traditional behavior within traditional limits, like being “denied” sexual satisfaction or the favoritism one might experience in a traditional dyad. Instead of an open relationship, the relationship is based on sex. Husband and wife go home at the end of the night. Just like David and Marcus indicated, being vested with sexual superiority does not necessarily extend to the “bull” in their private life. Kai Ma interviewed a man named Claudio who said, “It’s not every man that can just take off his clothes in front of another man and not feel threatened or uncomfortable. Being a bull is my way of being someone I’m not in regular life. It’s helped me break out of my shell because I have more confidence now. I found myself through cuckolding.” Even as he plays the alpha-male role during sex though, Claudio says doesn’t feel like he’s better than the cuckold whose wife he is enjoying. If anything, he envies him. “He has this great-looking wife, and has all this great sex without any of the worries or troubles that I have to go through as a single male. I’m still struggling to attain what he has. To me, he has it made.”

Susan Block, a sex therapist who utilizes phone therapy to help individuals develop their fantasies, says the labels used to explain pairings, degrees of emotional pain, and status or social privilege all boil down to very basic instincts. At base, there are closeted husbands who either seek out or “allow” their wife to be seduced because they want to see another naked man and just as many feel arousal because of the competition. “Competition gets them hard. There are so many forms of substitute competition among men in our society, such as sports, that take the place of the real competition [for and] inside a woman’s body.” This rivalry is commonly known as a sperm war, where two males engage in primal rivalry to fertilize an egg. Block argues that humans, above all other forms of mammals, have the “privilege” to affix different titles and labels to their sexual behavior but, below the surface, there is an instinctual drive that mammals experience.

If you’re a married man, you might love your wife, but you won’t get as strong an erection for her or have as strong an ejaculation if your testicles know that this woman is yours alone. Nature is conservative, so your testicles won’t work any harder than they know they have to… If your wife has been away at a conference and there’s a chance that she’s had sex with another man? You’ll get a stronger erection when she comes home. If she has had sex with another man, that makes you really hard.

During the same period that Crystal had begun to develop an attraction at work, Ryan says, “I was sad. Incredibly sad. I thought at the time, ‘Well, we should have had more time to enjoy sex before she became like this.’ But it wasn’t like it was a surprise when we stopped having sex. I wanted to be a good husband and I thought, ‘Well… maybe she’ll get over it. Maybe I can convince her, or make her feel guilty, or help her come around.’” So he began looking for sex toys, buying lingerie – “Oh, that was my favorite! I loved that!” – and yes, looking at porn online. “This isn’t something I would have thought or said at the time, but [looking back] I felt very unloved and disappointed with what we had become. We weren’t our parents. We had left. But it wasn’t like we were better off, or had anything to brag about. Some of that is just young couples starting out, but it’s so hard when every trip home, people are telling you in some way, ‘Oh hey. You failed.’” It wore down his masculinity, he says.

Kai Ma, whose well-read article “Take My Wife, Please” is reckoned to have brought the cuckolding fetish to mainstream conversation, writes that a “bull needs to exemplify masculinity in ways that [the husband/primary partner] cannot. He needs to be not only better endowed, but also alpha enough to make Kurt feel small, both physically and psychologically.” Ma reasons that the extremes expressions of fantasy do not highlight something “wrong” with an individual, but instead an alternate reality – a kind of “vacation” from daily life, writing that a cuckold “can personify the beta male role, even eroticize it, because he knows he’s not inherently inferior to other man,” remarking of one subject in the article, “As an alpha male in life, Kurt’s bedside compliance serves as a refuge from his competitive, high-strung personality.”

Some sex therapists believe the reason for the increased popularity of cuckolding in pornography is just a trend. Others believe it is because of the changing gender roles occurring in America as a result of highly educated women taking traditionally “male” leadership roles in society and the workforce. The outsourcing of manufacturing jobs in particular has impacted patriarchal regions like the South, affecting sexual performance as well as identity. Whatever the reasons for entertaining the fantasy, diminished masculinity can take extreme forms.

Coming back to the sauna worker’s reference to Candaules, there is an element to cuckolding and wife-sharing that has long gone unaddressed: that the king’s wife tells the servant Gyges to either kill himself or kill her husband. Gyges does this at his lover’s request, making Candaules the ultimate cuckold. Gyges replaces Candaules as king and impregnates the queen as evidence of his superiority. 

Last month, I contacted an erotic author who publishes under the pseudonym WhiteExtinction. More than any other subject of interviews in this series, the one with W.E. frustrated me the most because they were particularly evasive. I realized pretty quickly that the reason was because the nature of their stories involve themes in cuckolding that are almost hardly spoken of and largely unprecedented. These themes go beyond personal issues like those experienced by Crystal and Ryan. Instead, the themes in WhiteExtinction’s stories center around the eradication or “extinction” of the white race.

There are currently no known classifications for this other than racism, no tidy labels for a genre of porn involving the eradication of an entire race of people. This as yet unnamed theme is becoming a popular subgenre of cuckolding fantasies and pornography online. As pornography has become more niche, curated on sites like Imagefap and Tumblr, these themes of extinction are morphing, taking on and adapting genres like “black superiority” – the well endowed African, for instance – and complementing racial superiority with “white inferiority,” even impregnation or “breeding” of white wives to the detriment of white populations. The “sissification” and “forced feminization” of the lesser-endowed cuckold, which became a popular subgenre of cuckold porn in the last decade, has been replaced by themes of castration and rape of the husband, often as the wife watches or participates, complicit in the fantasized extermination of her race and replacement for a “superior race.” One scene in WhiteExtinction’s “Senator’s Daughter” reads

Standing in the corner, stroking his flaccid sterile member, he observed as his daughters and bride underwent their second black breeding ceremony a year later. His son, his heir, stroked and fluffed each black cock and gleefully watched as it disappeared into his mother and siblings. The moans, the screams of rapture, the begging to be bred… It was too much. His wife cried out thanking her black lover for ending her white bloodline and breeding the white out of her. With her words his flaccid cock let out a small drooling spurt of infertile seed – his bloodline ended forever. A small sacrifice to his new black gods.

Another author, whiteboy, combines two themes in cuckolding erotica, the rape of white women and “forced chastity” of a white fiance. The author bottomboytoy goes a step further. Their story “Voluntary Whiteboy Disposal: Honeymoon” a scene that reads

One by one they emptied their loads inside of her as the crowd cheered and fucked. Next the doctor to a needle attached to a length of surgical tubing and put her whole first inside of Jessica’s Cummy pussy, using the video screen to push the needle right through her cervical opening.  She connected a big syringe of fluid to the line and handed it to Jessica. Now it was time for Sam to participate he was brought forward and Jessica held out the syringe to him. “I need you to do this form now sweety. It’s time to flush your whiteboy genes goodbye. He took his hand and helped him depress the plunger.”

She groaned as the fluid did it’s work, inducing a sudden labor. As loose as she was right now, and considering she was about a month and a half early she easily squeezed out the white baby. Which Sam caught. Sam looked down at his white son for a moment when Jason stepped in behind him and stuck a needle in his neck. Within moments Sam was completely paralyzed. In the audience the other white boys were also drugged and paralyzed,while the audience cheered. Jason dumped the white baby into a bio was bag, and tied it closed. The doctor meanwhile was sucking out the afterbirth from Jessica’s womb, so that she could get on with the most important part. Standing shakily she took the weighted bio waste bag and threw it overboard. Sam could only watch as his only chance as reproduction disappeared into the ocean.

Withholding judgement and recognizing these stories as fantasies, it seems clear that as control of porn shifts from production companies to individuals via open-source and individually curated, the genres of porn are changing in interesting and unexpected ways. These developments necessitate new labels and critical examination of tropes already thought to be understood. With cuckolding, for instance, one rarely talks of a partner “cheating” anymore or “being unfaithful” but of how the relationship was damaged and what the partners did afterwards. At question is not who did what, but how the relationship was redefined. In some sense, it is a revitalization of interest in conservative concerns – stability of the family, gender roles, and latent racism. 

Robert Moore, a game developer and programmer from New York, says that he’s used to feeling used. “As a black man, I’m not a stranger to being fetishized by white people,” he writes. 

Many of my relationships wound up with white women, and later white men, due to the general proximity of them in my life. When it came to going on dates or having casual hookups, there was always a sort of doomsday clock until the white person in question said something wildly inappropriate and I had to pack up and go… However, with cuckolding it was a little more charged, from requests for “nigger dick” to straight up citing enslaved ancestors and fucking the slave master’s daughter.

There is a line, he reasons, and cuckolding played with social, moral, and racial lines that made him increasingly uncomfortable. Crossing them regularly made him dislike what he saw himself becoming.

The line between what was a fetish and what was actual bad racial politics was so blurred I didn’t want to think about it. I wasn’t going to be the guy who contributed to that, even if it meant my dick got to get a workout from time to time. Let’s put it this way: for every instance where I walked into a bar and hit on a woman whom was married, I had to think about how that looked. What did the people who saw this think? Sure, it was a prearranged thing, but to everyone else I looked like a pushy black guy trying to get a sweet white lady to break her vows. That’s not a good look. That doesn’t reflect well, right? It was all good fun and we’d have a good time, but appearances matter, right?

As always, sexuality is elusive. Labels are constructed to help define, never to limit the imagination, but that does not mean all kinds of sex are desirable to all people. There are lines which are helpful and, whatever our morals and ethics, some things that are ultimately harmful. It’s unclear whether non-monogamy is harmful or helpful to couples. Even in this series, I have had both arguments put to me and see the merits of both positions in parallel. In Crystal and Ryan’s case, sex has never been mutually satisfying but their relationship is stronger now than it was before. It is the ultimate form of outsourcing – allowing Ryan to specialize in the emotional and mental side of their marriage while David satisfies Crystal. The two men, Crystal says, “make a perfect marriage. I have, really, everything I want now.”

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