by Lydia Wang

Originally published on Women’s Health

If you’ve ever given or received oral sex (or done both at the same time), you probably have a position or two that usually work for you. And while it can be easy, convenient, and efficient to end up in the same configuration time after time, there are just as many ways to have oral sex as there are to have intercourse—and there’s a solid argument for shaking up your routine.

“The thing that happens, especially in long-term relationships, is people tend to revert to a default. And it tends to be the [position] that works most reliably and most quickly,” says Rachel Zar, PhD, LMFT, a sex therapist in Chicago. Now, there’s nothing wrong with a position that consistently helps you orgasm. But “our nervous systems adapt and become less excited by something that feels routine, or like the same thing over and over again,” she explains. “Sometimes, excitement can come from something not working most effectively—or getting to orgasm—but from something being new.”

While trying out new sex positions can certainly help you climax, novelty also produces feel-good hormones that benefit your overall health. Specifically, “it gives a dopamine release,” says Debra Laino, DHS, a sex therapist and clinical sexologist in Wilmington, Delaware. And if you’re in a long-term relationship or marriage, trying new positions and angles allows you to keep learning more about your partner’s body, which can benefit your relationship and sex life as you grow older together, adds Jenn Gunsaullus, PhD, a sociologist and sexologist in San Diego.

How to Choose the Right Oral Sex Position for You

First, consider who wants to be in control. Unequal power dynamics tend to play a role in most oral sex positions, since one partner (the giver) is naturally in service to the other (the receiver). But that’s part of the fun. In fact, “one of the things people enjoy about oral sex is the power dynamic,” says Zar. “That can be power from the person who’s giving or receiving, depending on how you frame it.”

She recommends thinking about what makes receiving oral so appealing to you, specifically: Do you enjoy the feeling of relaxing and letting go, or do you prefer feeling empowered and in control? And when you’re on the giving side, do you like the idea of your partner surrendering to you—or do you prefer being told what to do? Your answer might help you pinpoint the kind of position you’ll find hot, whether that’s face-sitting or the butterfly technique.

While the positions ahead can work for all couples and all kinds of oral sex, you may also want to choose one based on your and your partner’s specific body parts. If you’re giving a blow job, for instance, you might want to feel like you’re approaching the penis “from below” so you can control the depth and pace at which they’re thrusting into your mouth, says Zar. On the other hand, someone performing cunnilingus (or oral sex on a vulva) might want to make sure their partner’s legs are spread enough to give them access to the clitoris. (After all, over 36 percent of women with vulvas say that they need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.)

1. Classic Oral

How to: On a bed or couch, the receiving partner lies on their back with their legs spread slightly apart and their knees up. From here, the giver can kneel or lie down (whichever feels more comfortable) in front of the receiver’s genitals. If the receiving partner has a penis, the giver may choose to kneel or lie beside them for maximum comfort.

Benefits: No matter how the giver situates their body, this beginner-friendly position is great for people who are new to having sex with each other, says Gunsaullus: There’s a lot of opportunity for eye contact, which can help the receiver provide verbal and nonverbal feedback (and a sexy visual). Plus, the giver has total control over what they’re doing here, which can be especially useful during fellatio (i.e., oral sex on a penis). For example, if the giving partner has a sensitive gag reflex, they can choose the depth and pace that allows them to perform oral comfortably.

Pro tip: Trying this position during cunnilingus? The receiver may want to experiment with keeping their legs closed once their partner is firmly in place, says Laino, because squeezing your thighs together can create a different sensation. Some receivers might prefer the way this configuration feels, while others enjoy keeping their legs spread out wide (more on that in a sec). It’s all about trial and error to find whatever works for you and your partner.

2. The Butterfly Technique

How to: This position is similar to the last one, but instead of lifting their knees up, “the receiver’s legs are spread open like a butterfly,” says Laino.

Benefits: Receivers with vulvas and penises can try this move, but for givers performing cunnilingus, this position grants you access to even more parts of your partner’s vulva.

Pro tip: If the receiver enjoys multiple kinds of stimulation at once, the giver can try focusing on their clitoris with their tongue while using their fingers or a vibrator, like Lelo’s Gigi 3, to stimulate their G-spot.

3. The Kivin Method

How to: Like the prior positions, the receiver lies on their back—but with this move, the giver lies or kneels perpendicular to their body, so they’re approaching their partner’s genitals from an all-new angle. “This is usually done on vulvas,” says Laino, but it can be performed on penises, too.

Benefits: The Kivin Method is said to help receivers achieve orgasm more easily because the giver can apply pressure to the perineum, or taint, Laino says. Plus, as with Classic Oral, this position allows the giving partner to stay in control of the rhythm and depth, while providing the receiving partner with an all-new (and still sexy) visual.

4. Seated Oral

How to: The receiving partner sits on the edge of something (bed, couch, shower ledge, etc.) and spreads their legs. The giving partner positions themselves (usually kneeling) between the receiver’s thighs, adjusting posture and distance to maintain steady access and comfort. (The giver might also want to place a pillow underneath them if they have sensitive knees.)

Benefits: This is another classic position that works well for receivers with vulvas or penises, says Laino. But, it’s specifically a great one for fellatio because it provides givers with a lot of comfort and access, adds Zar. Here, the giving partner can once again fully control the depth and speed, and a seated position might also be easier on their jaw than something that involves lying down.

Pro tip: If you have a bench or shower chair, add this move to your list of shower sex positions! The warm water can run over both partners’ bodies, adding a new sensation that increases arousal naturally. Just make sure to place a nonslip shower mat under the giver’s knees for comfort and stability, says Laino.

5. Face-Sitting

How to: The receiver straddles their partner’s face, aligning their genitals with the giver’s mouth. This can work for oral sex on a vulva or a penis or vulva, says Laino, but if the receiver has a penis, it’s especially important that they don’t accidentally hurt their partner by thrusting in too quickly or deeply.

Pro tip: Whether the receiver has a penis or a vulva (or you’re engaging in a little analingus), both partners should agree on a nonverbal equivalent of a safe word, or some kind of hand signal that indicates the need to stop. “You want to make sure that the [giving] person has a way to tap out or take a breath,” says Zar. “Usually, this can look like a little tap on the thigh.”

Benefits: For the receiver, “being on top is a great way for you to be able to take control of what kind of stimulation you want, much like being on top during intercourse,” says Zar. And if you’re interested in BDSM, this can also be a fun, beginner-friendly way to incorporate a little power play. Just make sure to get enthusiastic consent and establish clear boundaries ahead of time, so sex stays safe and, most importantly, fun!

6. Reverse Face-Sitting

How to: This is exactly the same as face-sitting, but with the receiving partner facing away from the giving partner.

Benefits: This position offers the same benefits as traditional face-sitting, but it also works particularly well for rimming. Just make sure you don’t move from the anus to the vulva or penis because that can spread STI-causing bacteria.

Pro tip: Again, make sure to establish a nonverbal safe word before trying this position.

7. Standing Oral

How to: You’ve heard of standing sex—why not try oral standing up, too? Here, a receiving partner leans against a wall with their legs slightly spread out, while the giving partner kneels in front of them and performs oral sex.

Benefits: This is a great position for shower sex, if you have a smaller bathroom without a shower seat, says Laino.

8. Bullseye

How to: A combination of face-sitting and standing oral, this configuration lets the giver sit back and relax. From a sitting position, the giving partner leans back against a wall or surface, and the receiver stands in front of them, spreading their legs out. The “bullseye” here is, of course, the clitoris. And if the receiver has a penis, the tip of the penis is your target.

Benefits: It’s a great position for receivers who enjoy standing sex, but prefer to be in control of the oral stimulation their partner provides, Honolulu-based sex therapist Janet Brito, PhD previously told Women’s Health.

Pro tip: During any face-sitting position, plan on a nonverbal cue that the giver can use to stop sex if it becomes too much!

9. Sideways 69

How to: Both partners lie on their sides facing opposite directions so each person’s mouth aligns with the other’s genitals. You can adjust the distance by scooting closer or lifting a partner’s thigh slightly to improve access and comfort. Because you’re both supported by the bed, movement tends to be slower and more controlled than in traditional 69.

Benefits: If you’re interested in giving and receiving oral sex simultaneously, you’ve probably heard of a little position called 69. But it may actually be easier to pull off this move horizontally. “Lying side by side can be more comfortable” than one person climbing on top of the other, says Zar. And comfort is especially important in this position, since it can take some practice to get used to performing oral and receiving it at once, adds Gunsaullus.

10. 69

How to: Once you’ve mastered sideways 69 (or, if you’re not afraid to get on top!), you can try the classic version. For this position, one partner lies down, flat on their back. The other climbs on top, so they’re facing away from the other person’s upper body. This creates the illusion of the number 69. Your genitals should be lined up with your partner’s mouth, and vice versa.

Benefits: Couples of any gender, genital, and sexuality configuration can give this a whirl. In 69-ing situations where one person has a vulva and the other has a penis, it might feel more comfortable for the person with a vulva to go on top, New York-based sex therapist Rachel Wright, LMFT previously told Women’s Health. But to mix things up and make things hotter, you can always try swapping positions.

11. Swinging 69

How to: First, you’ll want to invest in a high-quality sex swing. Then, use it for (you guessed it!) some mutual oral. One partner climbs into the swing and lies on their back, while the other leans over them until both parties are face-to-genital.

Benefits: If you have a sex swing, you can gain access to a world of new oral sex positions. “Swings are good for 69,” says Laino. “It can add in a different layer of kinkiness, or feeling like you’re out of control because you’re not grounded.”

Pro tip: Just make sure – ahead of time – that if you both choose to get into the swing together, it can hold your combined weight, Laino says. For a safer option, the shorter partner can stay in the swing while the taller partner leans over.

12. Downward Dog

How to: If you’ve ever taken a yoga class, this one might sound familiar. The receiver takes the form of a V-shape, with their hands and feet on the ground and their butt in the air, says Laino. Then, their partner approaches from behind and licks the lower part of their vulva, their testicles, or the anus.

Benefits: If you want to spice things up with a standing oral sex position that doesn’t require you to attempt complex acrobatics, this is an ideal option. It requires both partners be somewhat flexible, while still offering a lot of stability and ways to increase comfort (you’ll probably want to slip a pillow under the giver’s knees). Plus, if you want to show some love to your partner’s bum, this is a particularly great position for rimming, says Laino.

Pro tip: You can also try doggy-style oral, too, Laino adds. This position requires a little less flexibility than Downward Dog; the receiving partner just gets on all fours, and the giving partner performs oral from behind.