If you haven’t already read it, please read over part 1 here where I discuss the basics of orgasms – how they happen, why they happen – to help both of us have a strong framework to better understand both how to have amazing orgasms and how to help our partner(s) experience them too!
According to a study reported on Science of Relationships, “researchers discovered that stimulation of the nipple activated an area of the brain known as the genital sensory cortex. This is the same brain region activated by stimulation of the clitoris, vagina, and cervix. What this means is that women’s brains seem to process nipple and genital stimulation in the same way.”
Men do not typically experience this level of arousal, though many men say nipple play does produce pleasurable sensations and may help increase the intensity of orgasm.
Your lips are another part of the body filled with closely set nerve endings. These nerves are classified as a mucocutaneous region of the body (which means they produce mucous or bodily fluids) similar to the outer vulva, nipples, and clitoris. This also means lips have the power to get you aroused. While kissing is a nice experience and can certainly get you aroused, keep in mind that this type of orgasm requires some time commitment. Slow lip synching, even synching with your partner’s breathing, tongue rolling, and teasing are all part of building up your arousal. “Being a good kisser,” in other words, “is an absolute must.” Most advocates for the oral orgasm say that achieving orgasm this way requires deep focus, a high degree of arousal, and probably a lot by way of mental or emotional game, but it can happen. Even if it doesn’t, you’re bound to have fun and it can lead to a high degree of arousal.
Another set of advocates will say that oral orgasms are most likely during adolescence and early sexual experiences before they are really aware of genitally-stimulated orgasms. In other words, it’s more likely that a teenager who has just begun to experiment will experience this kind of orgasm because of the influx of hormones and unawareness of all of the ways the body can be stimulated. For example, a boy might orgasm at the thought of kissing the cute girl he likes. I think both sides make a good point, of course, because the body is highly adaptable and those first years are formative. During adolescence and especially puberty, our sexual behavior is beginning to imprint. I am easily aroused by women in long sweaters, for instance, because when I was a little boy, long sweaters and side ponytails were a popular part of fashion.
To talk about this seriously, we need to discuss human anatomy.
For males, anal orgasms occur because their prostate is stimulated through anal play or intercourse. Sometimes, males who experience an anal orgasm will refer to it as a “prostate orgasm” or “progasm.” The reason for this is, ultimately, homophobia. Gay men who have “butt sex” are, generally speaking, pretty open about talking about it while heterosexual men come up with all kinds of new names to help them feel secure in their hetero-fixated idea of masculinity. In the end, whatever you call it, it’s still the same. Additionally, it’s worth mentioning that when men take a passive role with a female partners using a strap on or dildo, they are being “pegged” or experiencing “pegging.”
Speaking directly, when pressure is applied to the prostate through anal intercourse, a male will likely experience an orgasm. Again, this is not the same experience as ejaculating. We need to make that clear.
Locating the prostate is pretty simple, but you probably do not want to “explore” and try to find it until the male partner is adequately aroused. Foreplay isn’t just for women, after all. The prostate swells when aroused, so, again, it’s best to start the process when already aroused. The prostate can be located externally via the perineum (the area between the scrotum and the anus). It’s possible for your partner to reach orgasm simply by applying pressure to this area and administering a generous massage, but for those who prefer a more direct approach, penetration is the way to go. The prostate is located about two inches below the rectum toward the scrotum. After inserting a finger (or two if you’re feeling comfortable) you should feel a chestnut-sized ball. Moving the finger(s) in a “come hither” motion toward his navel can stimulate the prostate to the point of orgasm.
For women, the experience is similar except for one key difference: women do not have prostates. There are, however, two small structures called Skene’s (or paraurethral) glands that are sometimes referred to as “the female prostate.” Named after Alexander Skene, M.D., a gynecologist who described them in a paper in 1880, the glands are situated at the lower end of the female urethra, near the location of the supposed “G-spot.” They produce a fluid that helps lubricate the urethral opening and may have antimicrobial properties that protect the urinary tract from infections. The Skene’s glands are thought to have the same structural components as the male prostate, though they are much smaller. Interestingly, they even produce prostate specific antigen, or PSA. (PSA is secreted from other female body tissues, as well, and may be a possible diagnostic marker for breast disease, among other conditions, just as it is for prostate cancer in men.)
Still, there remains much debate over the exact anatomy and function of the Skene’s glands—in particular, what, if any, role they may play in sexual function. Some, but not all, researchers say that the fluid produced by some women during orgasm (“female ejaculate”) comes from these glands. Which brings me to the most obvious thing here: the anus does not possess natural lubrication. Douching in preparation of anal activities does not constitute “lubrication.”
As with all anal play, use a generous amount of lube and slowly work your way in and around the anal area, while preparing for penetration. When people say “lubrication is important,” they’re not kidding. If you think you’re using too much? Go ahead and use some more anyway. Anal penetration should at first be a slow process, especially if you’re new to the sensation since the tight muscles and thin epithelial cell layer within are subject to tearing. The up side of all of this is that those thin layers make it possible to stimulate the entire pelvic region and provide you with sensational pleasure. Graduated bead strands are a good starter toy to add to your sex toolbox to help relax the anal opening if you are concerned about size and stretching (which, professional secret: you should be. It’s better to slowly relax the anal opening than to tear it accidentally).
Zone orgasms are ones that are unique to each person. They are experienced by stimulating an area (often, unintentionally) that isn’t necessarily thought of as erotic. For example, kissing behind my left ear (not my right – that annoys me) makes my brain melt just a little bit. True story, bro. You kiss my left ear and I will almost immediately shudder and my brain will tingle. Many people say that their feet are erogenous zones for them and a good foot massage can produce an orgasm for them.
Again, these kind of orgasms are brought on by stimulation of a “special sweet spot” on the body. Areas such the clavicle, nape of the neck, inner thigh, feet, wherever, can lead you to experience a zone orgasm. Zone pleasure is great to explore on your own or with a partner – again, it’s unique to each person – so talk about it beforehand and start exploring!